Ridiculous M
by HeathenVampires
Summary: Modern AU. Watching her have awful date after awful date, Astrid's best friend tries to steer her in a new direction. A new direction with a silly name. Hiccstrid two shot (ft second chapter smut)
1. Chapter 1

**This prompt has been lying around for a while...**

 **Ok, so this fic contains Eret as Astrid's gay best friend. Kindly control yourselves.**

 **Eret and Astrid work together, she laments lack of good men. Eret sets her up with... You guessed it. Hiccup!**

 **Also decided this is a personal challenge... write a Hiccstrid that isn't smut. Lets see how that goes. Probably not well.**

 **(second chapter of this upload is the smut!)**

-HTTYD-

Astrid hit her keyboard in frustration, growling at nothing in particular as she attempted to do her work. A wheelie chair skated along the floor near her, the person sitting it wearing a shit-eating grin.

"Fuck off Eret."

He might be her best friend. He was still a cock.

"I didn't say anything!"

"You were thinking something."

Tapping the bottom of his pen against his tattooed chin, Eret hummed.

"Most people are thinking about something at any given time. For example, Ruff over there is thinking about mounting Scott the lout. Mala is thinking of coming over and smacking me for not working. _You_ are thinking about homicide, so I'm guessing your date last night didn't go well?"

Astrid's hands curled into fists, wondering if their boss Mala would mind if she just killed Eret there and then.

"I hate men."

"Me too."

"You're gay!"

Eret grinned.

"And you're not. So... both of us are illogical. Tell me about the bad bad night."

"Ugh. Later. Let me do this report and I'll rant on smoke break."

Eret probably would have pushed, but 'queen' Mala was circling and he quickly wheeled himself back to his desk, pretending to be hard at work. Astrid typed up the report about Thor-knew-what, still too irritated to care much just yet.

By the time she was stealing a cigarette off Eret on the half-roof sticking out halfway up their weird shaped office building, she was beginning to calm down. He even got her a coffee from the staff room when Astrid went to the bathroom first.

"So... spill?"

Eret held out his pirate themed zippo, letting Astrid light her cigarette on the dancing flame. Blowing out a cloud of smoke, she sipped her coffee from the lidded cardboard cup and sighed loudly.

"Didn't start great. He took me to Johann's, which is _not_ for dates. Nobody has their first date in a pub so loud and dirty you can go deaf and catch something from the peanuts on the bar all in one night."

Eret snorted, taking a pull on his own cigarette as Astrid geared up to let off some steam.

"Blimey. Then what?"

"He proceeded to order six burgers and four whiskeys, then said I should have a salad because he 'hates fat chicks'."

He whistled, knowing that would have ruffled Astrid's feathers a great deal.

"So... you brutally murdered him and you're mad because you got caught?"

"Almost. I stayed because I wanted to jam a pizza down my throat in front of him first. Which I did. Have you ever had pizza at Johann's? I think even my lungs were fighting off food poisoning."

Eret burst out laughing, the unsympathetic dick.

"So after you ate the pizza of doom, then what?"

"He ate the burgers. All six. Added six beers to the four whiskeys. Hit on another woman at the bar who punched him in the face. Then he stumbled back to the table, said since he had no better options that night I would have to do, that he didn't care if girls had fun during sex because its about the man."

Hanging on her every word, Eret had even forgot his cigarette was steadily burning away to nothing.

"And?"

"I threw my drink in his face. Almost threw the glass too. Then he threw up on the table and passed out. I left after that."

"Wow. Ok, that _was_ a bad date. My worst is still the guy who said I looked enough of a girl with my hair down that it wouldn't be gay if I faced away from him."

"Men are terrible."

"I agree. Drink your coffee, the queen will be on her rounds soon."

Tossing the last of her cigarette in the ashtray, Astrid downed the rapidly-cooling liquid in her environmentally cruel cup and sighed to herself.

"Am I really that awful that Ryker Grimborn is the cream of the crop?"

"Nah" Eret threw his muscly, warm arm around her shoulders "they just haven't made a guy good enough for you yet. And you're such a hottie that until then all these idiots can't resist you."

"That's kind of nice. I think. Now get off me before someone thinks you're straight."

Eret pulled his arm off and feigned a camp squeal.

"No! Anything but that!"

Shoving playfully at his chest, Astrid pulled the door open to head back to work.

"Muttonhead."

"You love me anyway."

"Eh. Loves a strong word."

"Oh, you wound me."

They went back to their computers, Eret occasionally tossing screwed up bits of paper with daft jokes on them to make her smile. She was lucky to have a friend who had no desire to get her into bed, it provided a welcome change and he always, _always_ had food in his bag.

On lunch, Eret produced one of her favourite chocolate bars to spice up her packed lunch of tuna and pasta. She didn't care about her weight, but Astrid liked running and rock climbing and knew her body needed certain fuel.

"I knew I hadn't killed you yet for good reason."

"Survival instincts man. I got 'em."

He ate his two massive chicken and cheese sandwiches in shockingly short time, then started on his favourite hobby of making up nonsense stories for the conversations others might be having around the cafeteria.

"I'll have you know Jenkins, I've ordered twelve kilos of custard creams!"

Falling about laughing as Eret spouted absolute rubbish, Astrid chewed on her chocolate bar and resumed lamenting the lack of suitable men in the world that weren't gay or fictional. Not that Eret was her type, but he was a great guy.

"I might know someone you know."

"Everyone knows someone."

Eret rolled his eyes, picking bread crumbs off his tie.

"A date for you. Idiot."

"You don't sound sure."

"How do you feel about arty guys?"

"Uh. What's he look like?"

Eret shrugged, contemplating.

"Kinda thin, but not too skinny. I would, to be honest, he's cute in a dorky kinda way. And he's got great hair. I know that's not your normal type, but-"

"Maybe that's what I need?"

"Well, yeah. Even if there's no chemistry, I can promise he'll not do anything Ryker did. In fact, I can guarantee he'll make you enjoy your night."

"What's the catch?"

Eret frowned, attempting to look offended.

"Why do you assume there's a catch?"

"Because you're really selling this guy. Theee has to be a catch."

"Alright, fine. His name's a little... odd."

Astrid finished typing up the paragraph she was on, then turned around to face Eret properly.

"Hit me."

"Hiccup Haddock."

"Are you _kidding_ me? I can't date him, I'll piss myself laughing when he introduces himself."

Rolling his eyes, Eret prepared to wheel back to his workstation and actually get something done.

"Suit yourself. Date more idiots. We still doing takeout tonight?"

"Obviously."

Eret and she parted ways for the afternoon, going home for a shower and a change of clothes before Eret came over with a bag of Chinese food. Then they would eat too much, lament bad relationships or sexual frustration, followed by watching a movie until they fell asleep in unattractive positions on the sofa.

Their standard Friday night really.

Waking up to see Eret drooling on his balled up jacket as a makeshift pillow, Astrid spied her cat, Stormfly, looking unhappily at her empty food bowl.

"Alright, alright. I get the hint."

Crawling off the sofa with a painful crick in her neck from sleeping in a stupid position on the sofa, eventually making it to the cat food that she emptied into the cats bowl.

"Satisfied? Good."

Next on her list was the bathroom, so she could empty her bursting bladder, brush her teeth and attempt to contain her wild blonde hair into its braid again. Eret still hadn't moved when she went back through, though now she had eaten Stormfly had helped herself to the spot Astrid had left warm on the sofa.

"Asshole cat."

Astrid clicked on the kettle, put out a second cup ready for Eret when he woke up and made herself a coffee, taking herself out onto the miniscule balcony that barely let Stormfly sunbathe. She lit her cigarette, telling herself yet again she needed to quit smoking. Gazing out at the people milling about (at this criminal hour on a Saturday morning), Astrid sipped the hot, rich liquid between puffs on her cigarette.

"Ugh, I regret that second tray of chow mein."

"Morning Eret!"

"Is it? Pre-coffee. Too soon for talk."

Looking utterly ridiculous with his hair sleep-flattened on one side and chaotic on the other, Eret stumbled out to squeeze on her balcony with coffee and smoke in hand. Astrid helped light it for him, hoping it would stop him setting himself on fire.

"Have you thought any more about my suggestion?"

"That I shave my head and become an Amazon warrior?"

"Haha. No. The art dork guy?"

"With a name I could never say aloud? Pass."

Eret rolled his eyes.

"Why do you care anyway?"

"I dunno. I don't like seeing you get hurt or angry. He's a good guy."

"You've been wanting to suggest him for a while, I know that look."

Eret feigned innocence.

"Ok. He might have seen you on my phone background and asked me to set you up."

"Oh gods, _what?"_

"He likes your smile."

Astrid was momentarily thrown - she couldn't remember the last time anyone had complimented her smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Hmm. Alright. Once we are both back in the land of the living" Eret stopped for a long puff of smoke "will you come take a look at him? He works in a cafe. Makes great cakes. That's how we became friends."

"He's gonna think it's a set up!"

"Well we can look through the window. If you aren't bowled over, we'll leave and go the coffee shop for hideously sugary fruit coolers."

Astrid sighed, tossing the last of her cigarette to the ground.

"If it'll shut you up."

"Excellent!"

Astrid winced at his sudden volume.

"Hush. Too early."

"Sorry."

Eret whispered, letting Astrid back into her flat so she could drink some fruit juice. Once past the pre-caffeine stage, Eret was much more get up and go in the morning than Astrid. So he was dressed and alert, bright eyed and bushy tailed or something. Astrid was more like a bear with a sore head, wanting to laze with at least two more coffees in her before they went out.

"Come on!"

"Why are you so- oh gods, _you_ have a date tonight. That's why you're in a rush."

He was _so_ caught. Eret attempted to look innocent, but Astrid could see right through him.

"Ok fine. I do. Not long term but damn I need to get laid and he's _cute."_

"You disgust me. Fine. Let's go. I expect the best cake of my life. It literally better be better than sex."

Victorious, Eret happily dragged her to some serene, ocean-themed building she expected to find people doing yoga in and eating vegan ice cream.

"What is this place?"

"His mom runs it. Makes a mean herbal tea but can't cook to save her life he said. So... he does that. Ok look, see the one behind the till now?"

Feeling like a total creepy stalker, Astrid peered through the window that gave a feeling of ice with it's delicate frostes appearance. And promptly decided _she_ owed _Eret_ cake.

"Does he really have such a weird name?"

"His dad named him. Tradition for a runt apparently."

"Runt? He's gotta be six foot, easy."

"Yeah, but see the super tall woman there? She's his mom."

Some long, willowy woman with miles of hair and a couple of inches height on 'Hiccup' made Astrid's eyes widen.

"Blimey."

"Yeah, he was born early and so his dad named him that when he was little. Anyway, do you approve?"

Astrid _did_ approve. Very much so. He had messy hair that looked soft and inviting, a dopey but charming smile on his face when his mother hugged him from behind. She could see the sharp cut of his jaw even from across the whole cafe.

She didn't say anything to Eret. But Astrid liked. She liked very much.

"So... coming in? I'll buy you cake."

"And coffee?"

"And coffee."

"Ok."

Astrid wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't beautiful green eyes and flushed cheeks when Eret bounded up to the counter and introduced Astrid.

"Eret!"

"Hey buddy. Meet Astrid."

"Hi Astrid. I'm uh, I'm Hiccup. And well, what can I get you?"

"The strongest caffeinated drink possible for Astrid, plus the sickliest cake you make. I'll have the usual."

Hiccup nodded, then turned to Astrid.

"That alright with you?"

Gods, he _checked._ Astrid didn't know why but it really, really bolstered his attraction.

"Uh, yeah. Unless the sickliest has nuts in."

"Allergies?"

"No. Just don't like them."

His lower lip jutted out just slightly as he smiled, and Astrid decided she ought to punch Eret as she felt butterflies in her stomach. How was he _allowed_ to do that? She didn't even know him.

"You got it. Go sit down, I'll bring them over to you. It's time Justin took over the tills anyway."

Astrid followed Eret to a table with the perfect view of the till. Spying his look, Astrid followed Eret's eyeline to see he was ogling (presumably) Justin. Justin was a big guy with short blond hair and a warm, friendly smile.

"Is that your date?"

"What? Gods no. Does he look like the one night stand type?"

"Fair point."

"Oh, he's coming over. Check out his ass. It's amazing."

Astrid turned around on autopilot, then kicked Eret under the table for making her look. Hiccup managed to put down the huge tray one handed, then slung his elongated body into a seat next to Eret.

"Aren't you sick of this place yet?"

"With your moms tea? Never!"

Hiccup chuckled, the sound slinking inside Astrid to nestle somewhere in her chest to warm her. When he looked over at Astrid, there was a light in his gorgeous green eyes and it made him even more ridiculously beautiful.

"That coffee is pretty powerful, it's some foreign stuff my mom found on her travels so if you can't handle it just say and I'll swap it for something less potent."

"As if. I can _handle_ anything."

His eyes were mirthful as Astrid lifted the simple white and blue cup to her mouth, taking a sip of coffee so dark it was almost jet black. **Fuck** that _was_ strong.

"Well? How's your Night Fury?"

Astrid took another swallow, practically feeling like she'd been zapped from the inside already.

"It's fine. Might order another."

"Not allowed. Only one per customer because of the caffiene content. Let me know if you get heart palpitations, but I think my moms about to burn down the kitchen. Excuse me."

Hiccup stood up, and Astrid almost told him she was getting flutters in her chest that were nothing to do with the coffee. As he left, Eret was grinning like a total shit.

"So... you like him."

"As if."

"Astrid, I was scared you were going to club him over the head and throw him over your shoulder like a cave person when you saw him."

Just because it was a tempting prospect didn't make it right.

"Fuck off."

Astrid turned her attention to the cake thing in front of her, something soft and white-chocolatey and covered in little dots of icing in various shades of green and blue.

"It's so pretty I _almost_ don't want to eat it."

She took a large bite, mouth suddenly full of an explosion of flavour. Judging by the surprised look on Eret's face, Astrid had vocalised her enjoyment a little too loud.

"If it helps, he literally just looked over here like Christmas had come early. Or maybe that was him."

Her cheeks flushed against her will. Astrid almost looked around.

"Eret, I will bludgeon you. Or maybe I'll take your cake."

"Can't. Mines got nuts."

"I hate you."

Eret grinned, taking a measured bite of his own sweet treat. Probably trying to make it last. Astrid didn't care, devouring her cake thing in a couple more mouthfuls and deciding if he could make cake like _that_ there was no way he was single. It was impossible.

"So, is that coffee too strong? I've never braved it."

"Take a sip."

He picked up the cup, staring at the liquid like it was going to bite him, then he took the tiniest sip. Astrid would be amazed if he could even taste it.

"Nope. Not for me. Not even first thing."

"Wimp. I quite like it."

"But its not the coffee making your heart go funny."

"Shut up."

"Oh, that's confirmation! I knew he was your type secretly."

"Secretly?"

"Mhmm. I mean, Ryker's three times his size and bald. Hiccup's all sweet and dorky and has all that hair."

"How did you know? Ryker was a blind date."

"Yeah but I realised when you said his name... I might have known him."

"Gods, that's a grim thought."

"Well that's in his name."

Astrid rolled her eyes, taking another swallow of her coffee. Once the intensity was adjusted to, it was actually delicious. Now she was disappointed she couldn't have more. She heard that laugh that warmed her again, turning to see Hiccup and his mother laughing together at something.

"Oh my gods you could not be more smitten on sight."

"Eret, I will kill you."

"So you think his names too much still?"

"Shut up."

After they had finished food and drink, Astrid insisted they leave before Eret continued to be a pain in the ass.

"You can piss off and get ready for your date."

"Can I give Hiccup your number?"

"No."

"Can I anyway?"

"If I say no, will you do it anyway?"

"Obviously."

"Jackass. I'm gonna ask him if he can set you and Justin up as revenge."

Eret blushed but still quipped back.

"Not tonight. I have plans with a shameful encounter."

"Idiot. Go away."

Eret turned to head home, so Astrid refused to take one last longing stare at the gorgeous guy back in the cafe and headed home. Her phone finally vibrated with a text.

Not that she'd been waiting.

Not at all.

 _"Bet you don't sleep tonight after that Night Fury."_

 _"Is that how you always say hello?"_

 _"I'm awkward, so I skip the small talk."_

 _"So if I said that I've been kept up late for much better reasons, you would feel awkward?"_

Saving his number as Hiccup in her phone felt ridiculous, but she discovered the impulse to laugh hysterically at his name was gone. Instead, she felt butterflies every time her phone buzzed.

 _"Depends if you mean homework or sex."_

 _"You think homework is better than coffee? Are you mad?"_

 _"I just didn't want to make assumptions about your sex life."_

 _"Eret caught you doing that earlier."_

 _"Tell him he's a dick."_

 _"Can't, he's out making bad decisions. Speaking of, is Justin gay? I promised Eret I'd tell you to set him up with him in revenge for passing on my number."_

 _"Does that mean you don't want to talk to me?"_

 _"Haven't decided yet. Ask me tomorrow when I come get more cake. Unless you want to bring me some."_

Gods, why was Astrid suddenly in heat? She didn't _know_ this guy. She blamed Eret for talking about getting laid, reminding Astrid it had been a while and here was this gorgeous idiot with a funny name. This gorgeous idiot with a funny name Astrid was rapidly considering less and less important in light of wanting to fuck him stupid.

 _"We don't do delivery."_

 _"I'll tip you in smiles."_

 _"Gods, Eret told you about that?"_

 _"It was the main reason I agreed to come look at you. I haven't had a compliment on that for a while."_

 _"I find that hard to believe."_

 _"It's true!"_

 _"Then it's a grave injustice. I'll bring you cake for that smile."_

Astrid had resolved not to do anything to Hiccup. Or with him, rather. Especially not on barely-a-date date one. She was doing so well at it too.

Until he asked as he was about to leave whether or not he could kiss her. Astrid had let him, tasting a multitude of sweet flavours on his lips from all the different cakes they had taste-tested. Her hands made their way to his soft, thick hair, and Hiccup made a soft sound in the back of his throat.

Somewhere between that and midnight, they had ended up in bed together.

"I uh... I wasn't expecting that."

Hiccup leant up on his arm, tracing his fingers along her bare arm and Astrid cursed her shiver.

"Me either."

"I didn't come over to try and get you into bed."

"I know. I wouldn't have invited you if I thought you would."

His face suddenly clouded over.

"Is this the part where you kick me out?"

Astrid frowned.

"Do you want me to?"

Hiccup rolled onto his back, staring up at her ceiling and she caught sight of the proud hickey she had left on his throat.

"No, but I'm used to not being boyfriend material. I'm an art geek who bakes, a mommy's boy and I have the weirdest name in the world."

"I don't know about that. Pretty sure my neighbours know your name now."

Hiccup blushed, chuckling shyly and Astrid felt her chest grow warm again.

"I uh. Yeah, I don't know what to say to that."

Astrid shuffled along closer, trailing a hand down his chest to dip below the covers

"Round three?"

Hiccup didn't leave that night. Although Astrid quite liked waking up with him there after a bloody _brilliant_ night with him, a part of her wished she had sent him home.

Because the _smirk_ on Eret's face when he let himself in her flat to brag about his fantastic sex the previous night, only to find Hiccup there was just too much.

"You may thank me later, but I think Hiccup here needs to do the walk of shame and get to work. Those cakes won't make themselves."

"He uh, might have a point. I better go."

Astrid followed him to the door, grabbing the hesitant idiot and kissing him goodbye. Eret mocked her mercilessly, but Astrid stopped caring when Hiccup sent her a text half an hour later.

 _"Can I see you again?"_

 _"That depends. Will you bring cake?"_

-HTTYD-

 **Well, It's official. I cannot write non-smutty Hiccstrid. I must accept that I will write porn forevermore.**


	2. Chapter 2

**If you read** ** _Ridiculous,_** **you'll know it was meant to be smut free. I'm not good at that. Anyway, I wrote the skipped over sexy times.**

-HTTYD-

 _"Then it's a grave injustice. I'll bring you cake for that smile."_

Astrid had resolved not to do anything to Hiccup. Or with him, rather. Especially not on barely-a-date date one. She was doing so well at it too.

Until he asked as he was about to leave whether or not he could kiss her. Astrid had let him, tasting a multitude of sweet flavours on his lips from all the different cakes they had taste-tested. Her hands made their way to his soft, thick hair, and Hiccup made a soft sound in the back of his throat.

Somewhere between that and midnight, they had ended up in bed together.

He was adorably shy as Astrid practically threw him over her shoulder and carried him off to her bed, mouth hot and hungry but his eyes were soft and uncertain.

"How far is this going to go?"

Hiccup murmured the words against her lips, surprisingly gentle hands on her waist not venturing any higher or lower despite Astrid's encouraging wriggles.

"As far as you want."

He didn't immediately tear off her clothes, which she really wanted him to do. His immobility started to make her nervous.

"Or... we can stop?"

Hiccup shook his head, thumb rubbing over the cotton of her t-shirt and raising goosebumps on the skin beneath.

"I mean, its not that you aren't beautiful and this isn't you know, _amazing._ I just don't want to come across as some kind of sex hound."

"I invited you here and pulled you to bed. If I didn't want this, I wouldn't still be here."

He nodded, lifting a hand to cup her jaw tenderly.

"If you change your mind, just tell me."

Gods, he was constantly surprising her. No guy wanted to hear a girl change her mind in bed.

"I will. Now please resume kissing me?"

Hiccup didn't waste a minute more, kissing her soundly and dropping the hand on her jaw down to stroke the thin band of skin between her t-shirt and waistband. Astrid shivered under his fingers, the skin toughened by burns and holding pencils (she imagined) but his touch was soft and exploratory.

"May I take off your t-shirt?"

Astrid couldn't explain why his lustful whisper made her shudder with desire; somehow his unique attitude was just as attractive as his messy hair and eyes the colour of the forest.

"You can take off whatever you want."

Hiccup smiled, taking great care to ghost his fingertips along the ticklish inside of her waist as he worked her t-shirt up. Astrid enjoyed the way his eyes widened as her navy blue bra became visible - she knew full well the colour worked particularly well on her. Lifting her arms helpfully, Astrid shed the t-shirt and leant back up to capture his mouth. The sweet taste of his eager kisses was addictive, the soft whimpers in his throat intoxicatingly erotic.

His fingers hovered over her chest, eventually gently caressing the top of her breasts, fingers not crossing the boundary of the bra cup. Astrid's nipple still hardened beneath, pressing against the fabric and Hiccup's mouth quirked at the side. His thumb brushed against the firm bump beneath her bra, smirk growing when Astrid moaned in response.

"Sensitive there are we?"

Nodding, Astrid felt him rub her a little more firmly.

"Uhh, _fuck_ yes."

Hiccup mouthed at her neck and collarbone with hot, damp breaths on her skin, smirking into her throat when Astrid arched her back in pleasure. His fingers deftly unhooked her bra while she was distracted, slipping the navy fabric from her body.

"Sweet Freya Astrid, you are _divine._ "

His hand splayed across her breast, squeezing at the yielding mound and feeling the weight. Astrid felt her arousal build as he kneaded her sensitive breast, then moaned as he tweaked her nipple.

"H-Hiccup!"

Huh. She didn't care about his weird name when he was making her feel _this_ good. Noted.

"I gotta change that name."

"If _that's_ what you're thinking about, I'm clearly not interesting enough."

Hiccup's eyes widened, shaking his head.

"I promise you are more than holding my attention."

"Mhmm. You're overdressed."

He had to stop fondling her breast to remove his t-shirt, but Astrid was eager to explore his lean torso and Hiccup seemed pleasantly surprised by her hands roaming over his chest and stomach the instant it was in reach.

"I have a question."

"Uh, ok?"

"How does someone who makes cake as well as you stay so slim?"

"I struggle to gain weight. Always have. Hence the scrawny Hiccup that I am."

Astrid pinched at his nipple harshly, winning a yelp from him.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"You're not scrawny. Don't put yourself down in my bed, it's against the law."

Hiccup actually laughed, face brightening as his laugh warmed Astrid inside.

"I can live with that."

When Hiccup leant down and kissed her again, his hot skin pressed against Astrid's bare breasts and it felt incredible. He seemed to enjoy it too, keening softly against Astrid's mouth and pressing harder against her. She couldn't help but thrill in the way his erection dug into her thigh, firm and hot.

Deciding she had had quite enough of his slow exploration, Astrid shoved him on his back and crawled on top of him. Hiccup stared up at her hungrily, eyes getting caught on her bare chest on their way to her face. She didn't really mind; his rapturous looks made her squirm pleasantly with his hungry scrutiny of her skin.

Running her hands down his flat stomach, Astrid tugged open his jeans button, sliding the zipper down slowly and enjoying the way Hiccup squirmed beneath her. When it was finally down to the bottom, Astrid reached into his boxers to feel the silky hot skin of his cock, thrilling in the way it pulsed in her hand. She used her free hand to pull his boxers and jeans down enough to expose him, taking in the sight of his swollen erection ravenously.

"A-Astrid, you don't have to-"

She squeezed his cock gently, warning him to be quiet.

"Hush. I know. I _want_ to."

Lowering her head, Astrid tasted the fluid leaking steadily from the tip and hummed in pleasure as Hiccup's musky flavour spread across her tongue. Hiccup's hips jerked but he obviously didn't mean to push her, fought himself and stilled again. Smiling up at him, Astrid licked her lips and let his cock press into her mouth. He throbbed against her tongue, the primal growl in his throat dampening her underwear.

Rubbing her tongue against his frenulum, Astrid suckled at the sensitive head of his cock and enjoyed the way Hiccup thrashed and moaned under her ministrations. Letting a little more in, she stroked his shaft where it was slick with her saliva that spilled around his cock, lips stretched wide around him and _gods_ did Astrid love it.

She knew it had been way too long since she had sex when Astrid started missing getting her mouth filled by a hot cock. His fingers wound into her hair, stroking gently at her scalp rather than pull or push her head.

"Your hair feels almost as good as your mouth."

That may have been the first time Astrid had ever heard such a sentence, humming in acknowledgement and smirking when Hiccup reacted to the sound vibrating on his cock. Bobbing her head, Astrid rubbed her lips around the ridge of his glans over and over until Hiccup was a quivering mess beneath her.

"I-I'm gonna come Astrid."

His voice was weak and strained with the impending climax, but Astrid was hungry to feel him come down her throat and kept up the motion of her lips and tongue, rubbing at his sack to increase stimulation until there was a hot flood filling her mouth in spurts as Hiccup whined and moaned and bucked beneath her. Licking her lips as Hiccup dropped back on the bed with a satisfied sigh, Astrid smirked.

"You alright?"

"Is it crude to say that was the best blowjob I've ever gotten?"

"Not for me, it's a compliment."

Hiccup chuckled, then beckoned her closer.

"Would you mind if I returned the favour? Not that I want to sound cocky and say I'll be the best you've ever had."

"By all means."

Hiccup grinned, gesturing at her lower body.

"Lose the clothes and get over here."

He seemed to have a fresh wave of confidence now, watching hungrily as Astrid stripped her clothes and underwear away. Cottoning on to his plan, Astrid knelt across his chest and felt hot breath on her damp flesh. Hiccup wrapped his arms around her thighs and almost literally dove right in, tongue raking over her clit beautifully and the intense pleasure had Astrid grabbing the headboard to stay upright.

He dipped his tongue inside her to make Astrid's muscles clench and spasm, then trailed the very tip back up to her clit. He circled around the sensitive tip, tasting her eagerly and clutching her quivering thighs as her clit throbbed in response. _Fuck_ he was good, squeezing her sensitive inner thigh and the surprise touch on a sensitive spot made her jolt.

Hiccup's other hand worked its way around to push two fingers inside her, sending tremors through Astrid's whole body as he teased the nerves around her entrance with shallow thrusts of his fingers. She rode his mouth and fingers shamelessly, letting the pleasure build and race along her every nerve until the heat coiling low in her belly burst through her.

He lapped at Astrid as she came, drinking down the rush of wet arousal that signalled her orgasm until she could take no more on her hypersensitive clit.

"S-stop! Too much."

Hiccup pressed a kiss to her inner thigh, then shifted around to help Astrid get back down. He smirked as he wiped his wet face clean, watching Astrid tremble on the bed.

"Cocky of me to ask for your verdict?"

Astrid lifted her hand weakly and gave a thumbs up.

"Spec-fucking-tacular."

He grinned, making no effort to hide the way he ogled her naked body. Astrid tried to return the favour, frowning when she saw his lower half covered.

"Hey, you. Too many clothes."

Hiccup froze, suddenly more nervous than he had been all night.

"I have... a confession to make."

"Huh?"

"I only have one leg. This part here" he tapped the bottom of his right leg "is prosthetic."

"Oh. How did that happen?"

"I got a bad break on my leg as a boy. Got infected, they said I could have loads of painful treatment and maybe never be able to walk, or amputate."

Astrid nodded, then looked up at his face.

"Can I see?"

Hiccup sighed, wriggling on the bed to push down his tight jeans. Astrid watched as slim legs threaded with taut thigh muscles were revealed, reaching his knee and slowing down.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Astrid didn't even blink as he revealed the prosthetic - it was the same colour as his skin, even had _freckles._ It didn't look totally natural, but she didn't care.

"You uh. You don't seem bothered."

"Got a cousin who lost both legs in the Army. He has two full length prosthetics instead. Why do you still have your underwear on?"

Hiccup blinked, processing the information.

"So... you aren't put off?"

"Not a bit. Naked you."

Still obviously surprised, Hiccup wiggled free of his boxers and Astrid was much happier now she could see his gorgeous cock hardened again, resting up against his lean stomach flushed with blood and arousal.

"You have protection?"

Hiccup nodded, leaning down to his jeans and pulling a condom out of his pocket.

"I didn't come over here for sex but-"

"Hush. Think mine are out of date so I'm glad you brought it."

Hiccup smiled, looking down at it.

"My mom got pregnant young with me, always said she didn't expect me to be perfect but she _damn_ well expected me to be careful."

"Smart woman. You putting that on or what?"

He looked over at her, one eyebrow quirked up in surprise.

"Thought you were too sensitive yet."

She winked.

"I recover fast."

Astrid plucked the square from his hand, tearing it open and rolling it deftly down his shaft. Hiccup looked vaguely surprised, but not a hint of complaint came from him as Astrid craned her neck to kiss him, widening her thighs in invitation. He got the hint fast, blanketing Astrid with his body as his cock nudged between her slick thighs.

"Are you still sure about this?"

She nodded, capturing his thin lips to taste the mix of herself and the cake he brought over earlier on his tongue hungrily. Hiccup nuzzled at the base of her jaw, peppering hot little kisses along her neck while the hand not bracing his weight reached down, brushing her clit to surprise a moan from Astrid before guiding his sheathed cock inside her. The first few inches threatened discomfort; he had a decent girth and Astrid hadn't had more than her hand and her vibrator for a while.

Hiccup pushed into her slow and steady, waiting for her to stop whimpering before he kissed her again.

"Are you ok? We can stop if you want."

Gods, Astrid almost choked up at the concern in his voice despite the fact he was shaking with suppressed want.

"M'fine. Just been a while. You can move."

Hiccup slid out and pushed in gently, staring at her with an intimate depth that left her breathless while he slowly buried himself inside Astrid's body again and again. The ache subsided and pleasure reigned freely, Astrid's hands grabbing at his shoulder, his back, his upper arms to feel his wiry muscles roll beneath her fingers.

"H-i-i-ccup! Don't tease. I can handle it."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

He smirked, biting lightly at her lower lip before gripping the side of her thigh and lifting it up toward his shoulder. The angle shift made everything a _sublime_ blur of pleasure, Hiccup's thrusts picking up speed and force as he fucked into her willing body.

"G-gods Hiccup, harder!"

Astrid stopped caring about whether or not they were keeping the neighbours up, too busy feeling pleasure flood her body again and again, probably leaving scratches on Hiccup's back as she clung to him for an anchor against waves of sensation. His low, gravelled groans against her ear spurred Astrid on, his thick auburn hair flowing through her fingers when Astrid grabbed it to haul his mouth back on hers.

They kissed sloppily, both too busy gasping for air to maintain the liplock but Astrid thrilled in those messy touches all the same. His pelvis dug into the crux of her groin, rubbing against her clit and Astrid felt the heat build again until she was a writhing mass of limbs beneath the gorgeous man with the silly name. The name on her lips as she came.

 _"Gods_ Ast-"

Hiccup couldn't finish the word, voice catching on a deep groan as his shuddering hips thrust two, three times before pressing deep and staying there. She felt him swell inside her, lazily aware somewhere in her mind he was coming while she basked in the afterglow beneath his trembling, slender frame.

He guided her leg back down with shaking hands, pulling out of her slowly and taking the condom off, presumably getting rid of it while Astrid was enjoying the brain full of endorphins. He laid next to her, just _looking_ at Astrid.

"I uh... I wasn't expecting that."

Hiccup leant up on his arm, tracing his fingers along her bare arm and Astrid cursed her shiver.

"Me either."

"I didn't come over to try and get you into bed."

"I know. I wouldn't have invited you if I thought you would."

His face suddenly clouded over.

"Is this the part where you kick me out?"

Astrid frowned.

"Do you want me to?"

Hiccup rolled onto his back, staring up at her ceiling and she caught sight of the proud hickey she had left on his throat.

"No, but I'm used to not being boyfriend material. I'm an art geek who bakes, a mommy's boy and I have the weirdest name in the world."

"I don't know about that. Pretty sure my neighbours know your name now."

Hiccup blushed, chuckling shyly and Astrid felt her chest grow warm again.

"I uh. Yeah, I don't know what to say to that."

Astrid shuffled along closer, trailing a hand down his chest to dip below the covers

"Round three?"

-HTTYD-

 **One day I'll write something other than Chosen Two that's not full of sex. Today is not that day.**


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